An Honest Prayer for Releasing the Idol of Suffering

God of compassion,
I come to you weary from years of thinking pain was the proof that I loved you enough.

Somewhere along the way, I learned that to be faithful was to hurt quietly -
that holiness required hunger,
that endurance was evidence of devotion,
that joy was a luxury for people less spiritual than me.

Forgive me for the ways I worshiped suffering.
Forgive the voices that taught me pain was your language
and silence was your song.

I see now how easily we confused your cross with our cages.
How easily we mistook trauma for transformation.
How often we praised the ones who stayed when they should have left,
who smiled when they should have cried,
who endured when they should have been held.

God, unteach me the theology that confuses harm with holiness.
Unravel every lie that tells me I must ache to be close to you.
Help me believe that healing is not rebellion -
it’s worship.

Teach me to find you not in the suffering,
but in the soothing.
Not in the endurance,
but in the empathy.
Not in the sacrifice of self,
but in the sacred act of self-tending.

Let compassion become my new liturgy.
Let rest become my offering.
Let joy become my testimony.

And when I am tempted to measure my faith by how much I can endure,
remind me that you never asked me to prove my love through pain -
you invited me to be made whole through love.

Amen.